The SetUp
by Neonn
Summary: Indiana Jones goes on a quest to save a princess. But the journey, and the reward, is not quite what he expects.


Neonn: Hello, everyone! This is a very special fic. Besides being my first in this category, I have also randomly made up facts and inserted modern day items in places where they do not belong.

This fanfic is dedicated to Natalie, as it was SUPPOSED to be a B-Day present (kinda) but, as I was too lazy to type it up on time, she gets it a week late!...now I feel kinda bad...OH WELL! ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I don not own Indiana Jones (or Shorty). Nor do I own Pokemon ( does anyone know how to get an accent on the e?) I also don't own Spiderman, Trigun, Card Captor Sakura, or Yu-Gi-Oh (though I do have some cards.) I also do not own the songs. The first one is the amburgers and wootbeer song. The second one is from Aqua, and the third is from Eiffel 65.

The Set-Up

By Neonn

"Eww! Camel Spit!" whined Maria, wiping her hand off on someone's pants. Fortunately, this story is not about a whiny girl named Maria. Nor is it about the camel spit, nor even the camel. It's not about the pants, nor the someone who's wearing the pants, either. This is a story about 'amburgers and wootbeer. I mean, this is a story about Indiana Jones.

Actually, Maria, the pants, the someone, the camel, and the camel spit have nothing to do with the story, as they are across a whole ocean, in Egypt, whereas Indiana Jones was not. He was currently in the treacherous jungle of...his backyard.

You see, during the time period he lived in, they didn't have the nice lawnmowers like we do now. In order to 'mow' the lawn, one had to take a pair of scissors and cut each individual blade of grass. Which is why Indiana Jones had hired the boy scouts to do it for him.

Yes, the sexiest adventurer ever was sitting outside sipping lemonade, 'supervising' the boy scouts. As he sat out there, nice and cool in the shade, he heard the familiar rumble of an automobile. A moment later the noise died down, and he heard a door open and close, which could only mean one thing. Someone had come to take away the boy scouts, and probably had a lawyer waiting, so they could press charges against him for violating child labor laws.

"Mr. Jones?" asked a girl, walking up to him. She had short blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a matching dress. In her hands she held a box. Behind him, Indiana heard a low rumbling sound, and wondered what it was, but as the heat had gotten to him, he didn't bother to turn around.

"Yes?" he replied, looking from her to the shiny silver automobile. "Did you drive by yourself?"

"I have a license! I do! Honest!" she said hurriedly. She sat the box on the ground and grabbed his shirt. "You have to believe me!"

"I do! I believe you! I do!" he said hurriedly. She breathed a sigh of relief and let go.

"Good. My name is Jocelyn, and I need your help. You see, my sister, the gorgeous Princess Natalie of, um, Pleasant View has been...kidnapped!" she said dramatically. Indiana Jones stared. Realizing she wasn't going to get a reaction, she continued. "By the...Pokemon!"

"Pokey-men?" he said skeptically.

"No! The Pokemon! They're evil! They come from Japan, and they intend to sacrifice Princess Natalie to the, uh, Yu-Gi-Oh Cards!" she began to get a scared look in her eyes.

"Cards? They're sacrificing her to cards?" he gave her an incredulous look. She frowned at him.

"Not just any cards! Yu-Gi-Oh Cards! Imbued with the unholy power of a plot almost as stupid as this!"

"Yes, well, I have to, um, go mow my lawn now," he turned around to find the boy scouts gone, and the lawn completely mowed. "What?"

"All done, now!" said a girl. She had long dark hair, blue jeans and a black T-shirt. In front of her was a big shiny lawnmower.

"Thank you!" yelled Jocelyn.

"No problem!" a silver truck came by, and stopped in front of the girl. Jocelyn and Indiana watched in silence as the other girl loaded the lawnmower into the truck and drove off into the horizon.

"Well, that was...odd" said Indiana with a nod.

"Nah, that was just Candice. Anyway, now can you come?" she practically begged.

"Well, Shorty isn't here, so, no, not really," he said, thinking himself a genius.

"Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones! Help!" came a familiar cry. He turned towards the sound. There was Shorty, in the arms of another girl, this one with long blonde hair and a gray hoodie.

"Now, you be good, ok, Sexy?" said the girl. She then released him, and turned around, to walk into the horizon.

"Dr. Jones! That girl just come, and grab Shorty! She said she wanted hang me over vat of jello and feed me with a spork!" he said fearfully. "Dr. Jones, what's a spork?"

"Well, can you go now?" asked Jocelyn, "We'll pay you good!"

"How much?"

"Depends on how well you do."

"Fine."

"Yippee!" Jocelyn shoved them into the backseat of the car. She then got into the driver's seat.

"This is a nice car."

"Thank you, Henry Jr."

Jocelyn started the car.

-30 seconds later-

"Want a ride, Brittney?" she asked the girl who had brought Shorty. Obviously, walking into the horizon takes time.

"Sure!" she got in. Shorty edged closer to Indiana. They drove in silence, until Jocelyn and Brittney remembered the amburgers and wootbeer song.

-several nerve-racking hours later-

"Bye, Jocelyn! Thanks for the ride!" Brittney waved as Jocelyn began to drive away. Indiana and Shorty breathed easier.

"Ok, now to the airport!" declared Jocelyn.

"How far away is that?" asked Indiana.

Jocelyn shrugged. "I have no idea where it even is. So we'll just drive around until we find it." And they drove off into the horizon.

Dun Dun Dunn...

"Can't you turn off this stuff?" demanded Indiana.

"Don't you like Aqua?" Jossi turned around in her seat to look at him innocently.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" he growled. She gave a small yelp and obeyed. "No, I dislike Aqua, particularly this song!"

"Aww, but it has you in it!" she turned up the volume and began to sing along with the stereo.

"Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, calling Dr. Jones,

Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones Get up now!

(Wake up now!)"

Indiana ground his teeth together. Shorty had long since shoved his fingers into his ears and had fallen asleep.

"So this car.." started Indiana hesitantly.

'It's a silver Mazda 626," explained Jocelyn.

"Oh. So, is Princess Natalie rich?" Jocelyn hesitated for a moment.

"You could say that," she grinned secretively.

"And gorgeous?"

"Yes, she is very pretty. But she must be rescued from the Pokemon and their heathen Yu-Gi-Oh Card Gods first," reminded him sternly. He nodded.

"In Japan?"

"No, we're going to California."

"But I thought they were in Japan!"

"Well, some idiot decided to dub them, so they're in America now," Jocelyn sighed. Indiana wondered what the heck "dub" meant. He asked her. In response, she switched CDs.

"Everyone is looking for the dub in this life.

Everybody just keeps on asking why, why, why.

What is dub, dub in this life?"

Sang Eiffel 65. (Those are the only lyrics in the whole song, repeated over and over!(

"That doesn't answer my question."

"It's not supposed to." She replied. He left it at that. Eventually, they found the airport. Getting to their gate was uneventful, except the person in front of them, a short-haired girl dressed in black and pink, decked out in all sorts of jewelry, kept setting off the metal detectors.

Once on the plane, Indiana promptly fell asleep. When he woke up, Jocelyn's face was ONE INCH AWAY FROM HIS FACE!

"Gah!" he cried, startling reflexively.

"C'mon! It's our stop!" she grabbed him and pulled him off the plane, just barely making it off.

"Hey, where's Shorty?" asked Indiana.

"Oops." Said Jocelyn, looking out the big window towards the leaving plane.

"You left Shorty!" accused Indiana.

"You did, too. Besides, I have a friend watching out for him, so I'm sure he's fine. Now let's go save my sister!" They left the airport.

Back on the plane, Shorty slept peacefully. Sitting next to him was Brittney. He woke up and looked around. He noticed her. She waved and pulled out a spork. He screamed.

In front of a Holiday Inn, a bright orange taxi stopped. From it's dark depths, Indiana Jones and Jjocelyn emerged.

"Thanks, Kirstin!" she said to the driver.

"No problem, but next time I'm needed, can we at least stay within our state?" Kirstin then sped away.

"So, are we staying here?" he asked. Jocelyn shook her head.

"No, this is where my sister, the Gorgeous Princess Natalie of Pleasant View, is being held."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"You never asked all these questions to everyone in the movies!" she accused. He starred at her blankly. "I got a letter that said this is where we are supposed to go."

"Oh, okay." He followed her inside. They waited patiently as the elevator took them up to the fourth floor. Then they had to find room 427. It was slightly opened. Indiana cautiously opened it wider. A dark-haired teenaged boy sat on the bed, watching the TV. He was singing.

"Total slaughter, total slaughter,

I won't leave a single man alive.

Ladidadidide,

Genocide.

Ladidadidud,

An ocean of blood.

Let's begin the-"

"Charles?" Jocelyn pushed her way into the room.

"No! It's 'killing time'! Not Charles!" said the boy, obviously Charles.

"Where's Nat?" asked Jocelyn.

"How the heck should I know? Want to watch some Trigun?" he asked.

"No thanks," Jocelyn got a puzzeld expressioin on her face, "that's odd, I was so sure..."

Indiana looked out the window. In a flash of insight, he grabbed Jocelyn and hauled her out of there.

"Bye, Charles!" she said. Charles didn't answer.

"Whoosh! I think my brains just sank to my feet!"

Dun Dun Dunn...

Indiana burst into room 427 of Inn Holiday. There, tied to a chair was a girl. She had blonde hair elegantly pinned up. He bright eyes were filled with tears. She had a gag, which was hastily being secured by another dark-haired guy in his teens.

Indiana noticed there were tow TVs. One had a weird yellow rat on it, and the other had a guy with impossibly styled hair babbling about "the heart of the cards".

"Hi, Spencer!" Jocelyn greeted the boy.

"Hello, Jocelyn! Couldn't you have given us some warning? You almost caught us with Card Captors on!" he scolded.

"Oops. Oh well. Hey, aren't you supposed to be doing something?" she asked.

"Oh yeah!" Spencer leapt between Natalie and Indiana. "You'll never get past me!" he declared bravely. Indiana merely reached over to one of the TVs and pressed a button.

"Oooh! Card Captors! Sakura, I love you!" Spencer became engrossed in the show. Indiana quickly untied Natalie.

"Yay! My HERO!" she leapt onto him and hugged him tightly.

"So...what's my pat?" he asked.

"Jocelyn, do you think he deserves the full amount?" asked Natalie slyly. Jocelyn nodded. From the bathroom, another dark-haired guy came, but he was dressed as a priest.

"Hi, Nate! We're ready!" said Natalie happily.

"Ready for what?" asked Indiana.

"Your pay! You get to marry me!" his eyes widened.

"You do realize this is just a costume, right? I'm only dressing up like Wolfwood from Trigun. I can't actually do anything," pointed out Nate.

"Shh! Pretend!" demanded Jocelyn.

"Ok. Natalie Mossi and Henry Junior 'Indiana' Jones, I now pronounce you man and wife. Now, I'm gonna go, because, um, John has a long moustache!" he left, very quickly.

"Don't I have to say 'I do'?" Indiana called after him.

"Nope! Now, we'll just leave you two alone for a while! C'mon, Spencer!" Jocelyn grabbed him and began to drag him out.

"No! Saaakuuraaaaa! I love you! Call me!" he screamed as Jocelyn dragged him down the stairs. Now, Indiana and Natalie were alone. (Ok, minds out of the gutters folks! Remember, this is rated G!)

"Why do I get the feeling this was all a set-up?" wondered Indiana. He shrugged. It could be worse. Natalie sat next to him on the floor, grinning happily as the two watched "the Princess Bride".

"Dr. Jones? Dr. Jones? Help!" cried Shorty as he ran out of the airport, followed closely by a blonde girl wielding a child-leash.

The End

Neonn: Wow. This went through a lot of changes from the original, but...I actually finished it! You know how rare that is? Anyway, Natalie, did you guess who the person setting off the metal detectors was? I hope you liked it! If you want to read the original, just ask, ok? Regardless, I had fun. Just you wait until Christmas...


End file.
